Centering Identity as Small Business Owners

The thing that started it all:

Porn. Lots and lots of porn.

Not really. I was a struggling model. Asian male models weren’t in demand. Not then, not now. We’re just not “masculine enough” or “well-endowed enough” although I definitely don’t have issues in that department. But anyway, I was doing underwear modeling and a make-up artist connected me to a now-defunct sex toy brand. Long story short, I became the company’s salesperson.

The age of YouTube influencers was just beginning. I jumped on the bandwagon and when I realized my review videos for the company’s products were getting so many hits, I decided to open an online store and started selling sex toys.

But I’d always dreamed of having a safe space for conversations around sex. The US is so prude when it comes to sex. There’s so much graphic violence on TV, in comics, but show a real dick, not one of those prosthetic dicks, and everybody loses their mind.

That’s why I opened Priapus Cumfectionary. We have weekly classes, from naked yoga to aphrodisiac cooking. And we also have books, including the rare ones like the archival-quality Tijuana Bible series and the Verboten book by the pointillist homoerotic artist Rex.

What being Asian means:

I definitely don’t fit the Asian stereotype. Yeah, I was a straight-A student. Yeah, I play the piano. But I’ve punched school bullies for name-calling me and other Asian classmates. And I didn’t become a doctor or an engineer.

You should’ve seen my mom’s face when I told her I was going to open a brick-and-mortar store. She went from ecstatic to vomity when I told her what kind of store it was. Then I showed her how much money I’d been making selling sex toys online and now she’s Priapus’ goddamn accountant slash marketer. She can’t stop talking about me to her friends. She’s so proud that I’m making more money than some of her friends’ kids who are doctors and lawyers. And she’s bringing in so much business.

But apart from my mom, I didn’t owe anyone for this success. Like I said, my modeling career was dead on arrival because of the racism we Asians face. We’re pegged as the “model minority” but that doesn’t mean anything except that we’re not privileged enough to be White yet we’re too privileged to be of color.

On being Asian and owning a small business:

Did you know that Google My Business added “Asian-owned” tag only in August 2022?

This is two years after it added “Black-owned” tag in 2020 after Black Lives Matter took off. Two years. In 2021, Google added “Latine-owned.” In June 2022 for Pride Month, it added “LGBTQ-owned.”

Yelp did slightly better. It added “Asian-owned” tag a year before Google did, but it was still a year after adding “Black-owned.”

This is the kind of performative bullshit that I don’t want in my store. 2020 also saw the rise of anti-Asian sentiment in the US thanks to Covid, and if tech companies truly wanted to embrace diversity, they’d implement all the identity-owned tags all at once. At the same time. But they didn’t. And that told me a lot about being Asian in this country. We’re invisible.

So, for a facilitator to do a Shibari workshop, I’d prioritize hiring a Japanese. For a Tantric facilitator, I’d prioritize an Indian. Obviously, they’d have to have a great track record and know what they’re doing, otherwise it’d be all performative and superficial. But when it comes to finding an instructor for a nude drawing class, I couldn’t care less about the race of the art instructor.

And honestly, when we decided to tag ourselves “Asian-owned,” there was hardly any uptick until we were interviewed or featured in AAPI month for media that wanted to fulfill their diversity article quota.

Like I said, we Asians are invisible. It could be worse, I suppose. At least we’re not regularly killed by cops or have a swastika painted on our front door.

What keeps you going:

My mom. She’s one of those small Asian women who speak so softly but when you really get to know her, you learn she has a potty mouth. That’s her and her friends. My god. The things they don’t dare say or don’t know how to say in English, they say in Mandarin. And they make me blush.

But to see her blossom in her sixties and to see Asians, who are generally shy when it comes to sex, visit Priapus not only to shop but also to take workshops, these things make my day.

Billy: Top, necklace, bracelets by Dollsexposed; Jeans by Soldier Story; watch model’s own; shoes by Kicksmini.

WARNING: This portion of the interview discusses antisemitism and the Israel-Hamas war.

The opinions expressed in this interview are those of the interviewees and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Dollsexposed or any entities they represent.

Owner: Wade Cohen
Location: Thousand Oaks
Opened since: 2022

The thing that started it all:

Have you ever seen Gone with the Wind? I saw it when I was a kid. There’s a scene in the movie when Scarlett O’Hara’s horse just… collapses after pulling the cart just before they reach Tara and she keeps whipping him.

It must’ve jolted something in me because I remember crying hysterically when I watched that scene. I was so distraught that my older sister had to hug me and calm me down. She knew I wasn’t a crier, so that rattled her too.

And so, like Scarlett, I made a vow. But unlike her, I didn’t vow not to be hungry again. I vowed to save horses whenever I could.

When my grandparents died back in 2020, they left a sizable amount of money to me. It was enough to purchase land and start the Life Sanctuary Ranch.

Wanda, our adorable donkey, is the first animal we took in. She came from a rescue center in Texas. She has the widest, saddest eyes you’ll ever see. I was going to name her Eeyore but I thought it’d be too on the nose. I named her Wanda after Wanda Maximoff the Scarlett Witch. She set the pattern because the next animals we rescued were also named after Marvel characters. The white stallion is Steve, after Captain America, and the black stallion is Bucky, after Bucky Barnes.

What being Jewish means:

After 10/7 or before 10/7?

Before 10/7, I stopped using my first name, Isaac, because the kids in school thought it was fun to call me Kike-saac.

I mean, “Isaac” isn’t even that Jewish. It’s not like “Moshe” or “Mortimer.” But my sister and I were the brownest White kids in school because our dad’s a Syrian Jew and our mom’s a white-passing American Jew.

So, when we moved to a new town and I realized nobody knew me, I started using my middle name, Wade. I was fifteen so I’d already done my Bar Mitzvah and nobody needed to know I had one.

Isaac was a loser, so I was determined to make Wade popular. I sacrificed observing Shabbat to hang out with my new friends and I definitely couldn’t eat Kosher-only foods with them. And for a while, I hid my Jewishness. To this day, not a lot of people know I’m Jewish. They look at my olive skin and think I’m tanned from being active in the sun and that’s that.

My turning point wasn’t 10/7. It was more than a month later. I was helping to set up this big annual fetish show when one of my co-volunteers started saying how, as a Scream franchise fan, he’d be boycotting the upcoming movie because, and I quote, “Jenna Ortega was fired from Scream 7 after bravely protesting the genocide Israel is committing against the Palestinians.”

Thanks to my Marine training, I was able to maintain my composure and told him I was Jewish.

He said he didn’t hate American Jews. He just hated all Israelis.

I told him my dad was Israeli and my parents had relatives in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. I told him for a few summers in college, my sister volunteered in one of the Kibbutzim that were attacked and she knew some of the people who were murdered.

I told him if it was so easy for him to hate all Israelis, including those who lived in the Kibbutzim, who helped drive Palestinians to Israeli hospitals to get treatment, who protested against Netanyahu and his far-right ilk, who are against the West Bank settlement, then what would stop me from hating all Palestinians? After all, a vast majority of them elected Hamas and a vast majority of them celebrated the 10/7 massacre.

I don’t know why it triggered something inside me, but it had the same effect the collapsing horse in Gone with the Wind had. I came home that day and vowed never to hide my Jewishness.

I’m not well-versed in the activism lingo, but I have close friends who are activists and I learn a thing or two from them, such as the word “intersectional.” I’m gay, a Marine veteran, a Jew, and also a liberal.

I successfully hid my Jewishness, even from myself, that I didn’t know how much Jews were hated in liberal circles. I didn’t even know back in 2018, a Jewish woman was ousted from the Women’s March that she co-founded because she dared to defend her Jewishness. And I took part in that march.

The same people, the same organizations I’ve been giving my money to, have gone fully antisemitic. I don’t mind that they raise Palestinian voices. I’m all for that. But not by dismissing the atrocity of 10/7. Not by putting pressure only on Israel to cease fire without acknowledging that Hamas too plays a part in rejecting the ceasefire. Not by amplifying the fake casualty numbers Hamas put out to gain sympathy.

At one point, I felt abandoned. I felt betrayed. I understand that supporting a cause should be unconditional, but I also felt used. You took my money, my time. At the same time, you hate me and you spit on me and you’d literally throw me under the bus if you had the chance.

When Russia invaded Ukraine, we didn’t see the same level of vitriol thrown against Russians in the US or anywhere around the world. Same thing with China and Uyghur. We didn’t boycott China or harass Chinese students.

Now, I only support people and organizations that are proudly Jewish or are our allies. People and organizations who recognize the unshakeable need for Israel as a safe place for Jews from around the world while fighting for causes like queer rights, abortion rights, and gun control. The bad news is there aren’t that many people and organizations like this. The good news is this means I can donate more money to them.

On being Jewish and owning a small business:

I don’t think I’m a good Jew. Our most stable stream of income is from school visits and they usually happen on Saturdays. I can’t afford a right-hand person just yet, which means I have to be there during the visits. Which means I can’t observe Shabbat. However, I’ve made peace with the fact that the animals and their welfare come first. And if I love doing it, it doesn’t count as work, so technically, I’m still observing Shabbat.

I’m no longer hiding my Jewishness or my connection to Israel or my conditional support for the existence of Israel. I understand that my conditional support means I won’t pass the purity test set by hardline Israelis and hardline Palestine supporters.

A person who centers their identity, in my case Jewish and queer, bears the responsibility to always show their best self. One small slip and people will judge not just you, but everyone who shares your identity.

This is why I strive to be a good boss, a good friend, even a good stranger, because now everyone knows I’m Jewish and if I mess up, people will hate us even more. And we can’t have that. Especially now.

I have five employees. All of them are not Jewish. After the Scream 7 incident, I gathered my workers and told them about my political stance. Thankfully, everyone decided to stay even if there are other sanctuary ranches out there.

The Life Sanctuary Ranch is a nonprofit. I don’t know if I’m going to lose patrons and donations after this interview, but I know Jews stick together.

What keeps you going:

The animals in my care. This includes my Rottweiler Thor. These animals don’t want to be involved in petty wars that humans create, but they are and they’ve died because of them.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still some humans I love. Like the people who knew I was Jewish and texted me on 10/7 to check in on me and ask me about my family. And the people who told me I was welcome anytime if I wanted to vent and actually made good on that promise.

I’m also thankful for the Jewish liberal community and for the non-Jewish liberals who proudly show they’re our allies.

And the brave Iranians because they know we’re in the same fight. If anything, their fight is worse than ours. Netanyahu is horrible, but at least Israelis aren’t persecuted and slaughtered by their government.

Wade: tank top by Dollsexposed; sunglasses by DamToys; hat, dog tag, jeans, shoes model’s own.
Thor: collar by Dollsexposed.

BTS thoughts:

This is probably the most intense post I’ve ever written for the website, but I’m glad I did.

I’ve showcased Takeshi’s Lick It ice cream shop before, but I did repair the ice cream display box and add more accessories to the diorama.

Although the Priapus branding can be seen in the “Chrissy’s Self-Love” and “Two Biker Boys” posts, The Priapus Cumfectionary diorama is new and I’m so proud of it if you can’t already tell.

I bought a Ken set just so I could use the cooler for the “Beach Boys” photoshoot. For months, the Ken just laid there, languishing. I was browsing for a sixth-scale male mannequin but couldn’t find one. Then I remembered I had a Ken and, voilà! And yes, I made the packaging for the remote-controlled butt plug and the Harvey dildo, as well as the books, three of the dildos on display, and Ken’s blinds and jockstrap.

The artwork on the wall is a mini version of my piece that was accepted to the 2024 Seattle Erotic Art Festival.

I made that couch at the last minute since I wanted the store to have a lounge vibe and not just a shop.

Wade’s Life Sanctuary Ranch diorama is just a fence made of paint stirrers and painted with acrylic paint. The shoot was done at a park in Pasadena, the same park where I took photos of “The Picnic Before the Trip.” I clumsily slapped on the top stirrer to plant the fence on the ground and it came off. But I ended up liking the look.

Pro tip: if you’re planning on taking photos low on the ground in a park, wear durable jeans and a jacket with thumb holes. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot. Your skin will appreciate it.

Dollsexposed

Dollsexposed showcases queer erotica, kink, fetish, and activism through twelve-inch doll photography. Their adventures in the doll world began in 2011 before establishing a home on dollsexposed.com eleven years later.

Dollsexposed's works have been displayed at Seattle Erotic Art Festival, Los Angeles Kinky Art Show, and Los Angeles Leather Getaway.

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