WARNING: Extreme insertions, a nude woman, and heterosexual intercourse.
In this post:
Read my review of the Barbie movie here.
I was a cunt when I was a kid. Well, I mean I’m cunty now but back then I was a total demon.
I’d throw tantrums if I didn’t get what I wanted. I remember embarrassing my poor parents (and big sister) at the mall when I screamed and hollered and cried when they absolutely refused to buy me a Lego set I’d wanted.
They didn’t relent because they were/are great parents. But at that time, I thought they were so evil and stingy.
But I did get into a huge tiff with my mom when I asked her for a Barbie doll. I was six or seven and I really, really wanted one. Bad enough to call my mom a cussword.
I still don’t know if my mom didn’t want to buy me a Barbie because of the same reason she didn’t want to buy me even more Legos (i.e.: I’d get bored, they’d be a waste) or if she thought it was too girly and still had hopes I’d turn straight somehow.
Yes, my parents and I knew I was gay back when I was six or something, but I had no idea if there was a name for my “condition” or if there were others like me. And before I learned boys are “supposed” to like girls, I was already crushing on boys (and only boys) and wanted to kiss them.
When the other boys were talking about Superman this and Spiderman that, all my heroes were women: Supergirl, The Bionic Woman, all Disney princesses (especially Aurora), both Julie Newmar and Eartha Kitt’s Catwoman, and of course, Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman.
Eventually, my mom gave in and I got my first Barbie. But I didn’t get the blonde one. It was the ginger one with the freckles: the roller-skating Midge (if memory serves me right). I loved her to death until… her head came off because her neck peg broke. My grandpa (RIP) was able to temporarily fix her, but soon her head was just lolling around.
After Midge broke, I finally got a blonde Barbie, the flight attendant in pink. I was disappointed because her hair was cut in a funny shape. But I still tried to make dresses for her. In fact, this was how I first learned how to sew using my mom’s Singer. It was a shit job, of course, since I was a kid without access to stretch fabrics.
A while later, I got a Ken. But my memory of him is fuzzy because by then, I was already more interested in dinosaurs and books and books about dinosaurs. And I remember feeling disappointed again when he wasn’t anatomically correct. He fell into the wayside soon after.
As I grew up, I never really rekindled my interest in Barbies or dolls that approximate humans. There were brief flings with the Tom of Finland Rebel Doll and the Billy Dolls, but nothing worked out.
Then Phicen/TBLeague figures came out. Anatomically correct and nearly seamless with a wide range of articulation, they enable me to create content, both smut and sartorial. These figures aren’t flawless, but they’ll have to do for now.
Universes have been built around dolls. From Barbies, Bratz, and Monster High, to Calico Critters, Polly Pockets, and those tiny green toy soldiers, to GI Joes, Adonis dolls, and Phicens.
There are countless Chris Redfield heads on Phicen bodies, each one occupying their own universe.
But my universe, the Toy Photo Studio universe, couldn’t have been built without Barbie.
She gave me the first taste of conjuring up stories and building worlds with sixth-scale figures.
She helped me bond with my mom over sewing.
She made me aware of my difference from other boys but her presence was enough to keep me from feeling too isolated and lonely.
And all that pink! Yeah seeing a pink house, a pink couch, a pink rake forfucksake, can really turn you crazy. I love pink but I’m not that fanatic. Still, Chrissy’s pink hair? Yeah, that was partially influenced by Barbie.
Barbie You Can Be Anything was launched in 2015, but I, as well as many other doll collectors out there, had given her a life, a job, a career, a universe, long before that.
And today, on Barbie’s 64th birthday, let’s celebrate her enduring influence.
So, Babs, you old girl, happy birthday to you. Thank you for 64 trailblazing and influential years.
But I still won’t forgive Mattel for denouncing the first gay Ken (the Earring Magic Lavender Diva) and pulling her off the shelves.
BTS Thoughts
I designed the fabric of Chrissy’s swimsuit with Adobe Illustrator and had Spoonflower print it. The result was meh. The fabric isn’t stretchy enough and just drapes weirdly. If you can, avoid Spoonflower.
Chrissy’s sunglasses were bought together with the red suitcase and the yellow tulips seen in the Daddy’s Home Valentine’s Day post. The handles weren’t long enough so I extended them. I used nail polish to paint the lens area turquoise (they were black before), and added crystals on the brow to fag it up.
The high heels are modified heels from Hot Toys’ Deadpool. They were debuted at the Red Camaro Blast shoot.
Matt wears handmade swim trunks and slippers. I actually have the pale yellow towel from a vintage Ken repro, but I couldn’t find it when I was preparing for the shoot. So, I bought a baby towel set for the prop. Sure enough, I found the repro Ken towel, but it all worked out because I didn’t like it as much as the baby towel.
I’d had the miniature vintage Ken for years, but I decided to also get the miniature vintage Barbie for the shoot so Matt and Chrissy could go as a couple.
The Smut Files
Now that the kids have gone to bed after seeing the clean-ish images of our two heroes cosplaying as Barbie and Ken, let’s move on to something for the adults, eh?
Another impactful thing that happened to me when I was a kid was the discovery of my dad’s Penthouse magazines. And I’m glad that he got Penthouse instead of Playboy. I mean, the quality of the photos are night and day. Some early Penthouse Pictorials went full fantasy and sci-fi with lush settings and just gorgeous men.
Up until the late 80s, Penthouse showed full-frontal nudity of the women while we hardly get glimpses of the guys’ dicks. This later morphed into my CMNM (Clothed Men Naked Men) and D/s fetishes.
One of the Pictorials from Dad’s Penthouse mag that has a lasting impression on me is that of Tony and Janine (or is it Jeanine?). It’s a simple premise, just a couple frolicking and fucking on the beach. But there’s just… something about the photos (and Tony!) that made the kid me all horned up and the old me, well… horned up and verklempt.
So, I decided to use National Barbie Day porn shoot as an homage to them.
Side-by-Side Comparison
And finally, after decades of only fantasizing about Tony’s dick, here he is in all his glory, from the March 1988 issue of Playgirl, where he went by the name Michael Shane.
Dollsexposed showcases queer erotica, kink, fetish, and activism through twelve-inch doll photography. Their adventures in the doll world began in 2011 before establishing a home on dollsexposed.com eleven years later.
Dollsexposed's works have been displayed at Seattle Erotic Art Festival and Los Angeles Leather Getaway.