Parallel UniverseNudity 

WARNING: This fictional work involves doll fantasy reenactments and deals with mental health issues and suicidal ideations.

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“Leon?”

“Yes, baby?”

“When you first saw Chris, did you… think of me?”

Leon sighs and kisses Chrissy’s forehead. “I always think of you. But with Chris, it’s actually the other way around. I got his file and photo before I met you. But when I first saw you, I didn’t see or think of Chris. It was just… you.”

“Wait,” Chris says. “You read my file?”

Leon laughs. The warm laugh with a hint of mischief that Chrissy used to hear way back when. How he misses that laugh.

“The things we put in that file.”

“Yeah? Like what? Never mind. I don’t wanna know.”

Chrissy lays his head on Leon’s shoulder. He remembers falling asleep just like this.

“We were testing the prototype in your world, babygirl,” Leon says. “And I made excuses to jump to your universe, to be with you as much as I could. When the testing phase was over, I… had to say goodbye to you at the restaurant you worked at.”

“Femboy Hooters…” Chrissy’s brain is flooded with memories.

“Fem what?” Chris says.

“Oh, Chris, you should’ve seen my girl in her little skank outfit.”

“It wasn’t fun being groped by men, and women, when you’re holding a tray full of drinks.”

“It was only supposed to be a short farewell, but you were… really sexy in that uniform.” Leon grins. “From time to time, I… snuck back into this earth. To see you and make sure you were okay. I was… in Folsom. And then at a Halloween party.”

“You… You were? You didn’t even bother to say hello?”

“You looked… happy. Like you had moved on.”

“I… I was… And I had…” For a brief moment, Matt’s and Wade’s faces flash in his mind. Then the memories metastasize to include Manuel and Takeshi. And Aubrey.

Chrissy takes a deep breath, trying to center himself. He wants to ask if Leon’s going to leave him again, but he fears he already knows the answer, and that he’s not going to like it. Luck hasn’t been on his side lately.

He closes his eyes and exhales. Everything feels perfect. Silence normally drives him insane. That’s why he must have his headphones on constantly. Something has to run in the background at all times, or his thoughts will start tearing him apart.

He giggles when Leon kisses his forehead again. When was the last time he was this giddy? He feels tingly all over.

But the tingling… lingers.

At first, Chrissy thinks the sensation in his legs is just from staying in the position for too long. He can’t move them. Maybe Chris is sitting on them? But no: it’s the other way around: they’re on top of Chris.

He tries to lift his legs, to shake off the tingling sensation, to get blood flowing, but he can’t feel his feet. His heart begins to race.

A searing heat slices through his spine, and the pain hits his brain. His body starts to contort, spasming uncontrollably.

“Wh… What’s happening to him?” Chris grabs Chrissy, trying to hold him down. “He’s burning hot and cold.”

Then Chrissy starts to lose color. Literally.

“Shit. We’ve been here too long.” Leon cradles Chrissy in his arms. “Chris, get dressed. We need to leave!”

“But what… What about him?” Chris gets off the mattress. “Is he gonna be okay?”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ! Go! I’ll take care of him!”

That’s all it takes for Chris to make a beeline toward the bathroom.

“What’s… What’s wrong with me?” Chrissy clasps his throat. He doesn’t recognize his voice. Did that really come out of him?

Leon gently lays Chrissy down before putting his pants on. “Chris’s biosignature is… draining yours. When we started building the portal and I accidentally jumped to your world, we hypothesized that something like this could happen, but we never really proved it because the Leon in this universe is dead.”

“But… But I’m the original one from this earth. Right?” Chrissy clutches himself, trying to literally hold himself together.

“Yes, but the stronger presence will cancel out the other.”

Words are stuck in his ashen throat. He can feel his tongue and mouth dry up. Of course… Of course, I’m the weaker one. Even in my own universe.

“Chris! Fuckin’ hurry up!” Leon scrambles to get a gadget from his jacket pocket. “Fuck! It’s still charging. Two more minutes. Hang in there, baby. It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“Coming, coming.” Chris reappears in Chrissy’s bedroom. He’s half-dressed. “You know how hard it is to put on wet pants?”

“I’m sorry,” Chrissy says. “I tried… The hairdryer, but I think it didn’t work. I… I wish I could do more…”

“Hey, where I’m going, they’ll be dry in no time.”

“You did good, baby,” Leon says. “Just hold on.”

“Why can’t you just stay here? Stay here with me!”

“Baby, this is… I have a duty. People’s lives depend on me.”

Chrissy can’t tell if the pain in his heart is because his body is disintegrating or because of Leon’s words.

Duty. It always comes first. He will never be first in anything, with anyone. Ah. Again, that selfishness resurfaces. Typical.

“The world you’re going back to… Monsters. It… It sounds dangerous.” Chrissy tries to justify his plea.

“Nothing we can’t handle. Right, Chris?”

“Hey, Leon, this gun yours? Can I have it?”

“Yeah, new tech, and you’re just the right guy to test it,” Leon says.

“It’s lighter than it looks. You think this’d be more stable than your portal thing?”

“Only one way to find out, right? Fuckin’ ungrateful bastard.”

“What about my machete? Anything I can rig this to? Majinis took my harness.”

“I’m not your goddamn mom, Chris,” Leon says.

“I… I have a harness that could work. It’s in the box in the corner. The one that says “‘toys.’ Under the printer.” Chrissy tries to lift his hand, but he’s too weak, so he points with his eyes. “But the color…”

Chris hurries over to the box and rummages. “Is this it? It’s the only one in here.”

Leon flashes a smile and kisses Chrissy’s forehead. “It’s pink. Of course it’s pink.”

Chrissy gasps as he tries to fill his lungs with air. “It won’t… It won’t make you more of a target, right?”

“Sturdy, well-made,” Chris says. “Definitely works. Besides, I’m already a target with or without it. Thanks. You have cardboard and duct tape I can borrow? I think I saw a box cutter by the sink.”

Chrissy can literally feel his heart beat. Earlier today, he was going to use the box cutter to kill himself. “Y… Yeah. Duct tape’s in this ‘crafting’ box by the mattress. There’s a cardboard box in the kitchen.” It’s leftover cardboard from when he made the Tin Man armor for Fred.

“Hurry up, Chris,” Leon says.

With nimble agility, Chris grabs a black duct tape and runs to the kitchen.

“Let him stay here and take me with you,” Chrissy says. His voice is almost whispery now. “He’ll be safer here, right?”

“No!” Leon ties his boots. There’s a finality in that one syllable. “Don’t you get it? You’re… You’re going to just… disappear.”

“I don’t care!” His brain commands Chrissy to scream at Leon, but the only thing that comes out is a weak, almost croaking sound. “Let me disappear! It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.”

Leon’s eyes burn into Chrissy’s. He can see Leon’s chest heaving as his breathing quickens. “Don’t you dare say that. You fuckin’ matter.”

Chrissy wishes that were true, but his life isn’t worth shit. He knows it. So do Josh, Matt, Wade, Manu, the OnlyDolls admin, and everyone who’s ever sent him death threats. Why can’t Leon see it?

He feels another painful spasm rip through his body.

He looks down.

His legs are fading away.

He can hear Leon gasp behind him.

“Chris, we gotta leave now!” Panic is palpable in Leon’s voice.

Chrissy closes his eyes. Is this what dying feels like? Just minutes before, he was content with being in the present, living in the moment. Now, excerpts of his past fly by, forcing him to relive his experiences. The painful ones last too long; the happy ones not long enough. His childhood, the cats he’d lost, the houses he’d lived in. The first time he bleached his hair and dyed it pink. Faces blur together. Lovers. Friends. Strangers. Some names he remembers. Others have already slipped away.

Then there’re visions of the future that will never come to pass. A home that finally feels permanent. A version of himself that isn’t always hurting. Maybe even a less painful death.

“Baby. Hey. Come back to me.” Leon’s touch yanks him back to the room. “Fuck. Why is it stalling?”

The gadget in Leon’s hand pulses with orange light.

“Is that… Is that how you travel?” Chrissy says. “Will you visit me?”

Leon closes his eyes and draws a breath. “I… I’ve used this tech too many times before we stabilized it. I’d been saving two last jumps for a proper goodbye, but… well, the incident with Chris happened.”

Chrissy looks at Leon. It takes a moment before the realization hits him. And when it does, it confirms what he’s feared all along.

“Is this… Is this it? I won’t see you? Ever again?” He can feel his eyeballs burn as his tears roll down.

Chris appears from the kitchen, the machete is rigged to the pink harness. He’s holding Leon’s shotgun. “I, uh… I ate two of your protein bars. Sorry.”

“Really, Chris?” Leon says.

“No. That’s… okay.” Chrissy was saving them for emergencies. The nearby mercado often sells protein bars at a discount when they’re past their sell-by date. But it’s too late now. “Pink… Looks good on you.”

“It goes well with green,” Chris says.

“This tech is gonna scramble devices with lenses,” Leon says to Chrissy. “CCTVs, dashcams, your phone, your laptop. But they should be back to normal after about thirty minutes. An hour max.” He then looks at Chris. “Second jump should be easier. First one’s always the worst.”

“Let’s hope so,” Chris says. “That blackout wasn’t fun. But hey, at least I got to wake up to a friendly face.” He kneels in front of Chrissy.

“Hey, look at me,” Chris says. “You dragged me off the street, you bandaged my wounds and took care of me. You’re stronger and more resourceful than you give yourself credit. Remember that.”

Chrissy wants to hold Chris. It’s as though he has known this stranger his whole lifetime, even if this person literally just came into existence only a few hours ago. It’s like a part of himself, the stronger, better part, is about to be ripped away forever.

Leon points at Chrissy’s wall. “I’m gonna open it there. Get ready. Once you get through, you’ll have about five minutes before Sheva rejoins you. But most importantly, you need to make sure none of the mutants pass through.”

“Gotcha.” Chris cocks his weapon. “You coming too, right?”

“Not where you’re going. I’m sure we’ll meet again, but not in this fight.”

“Acknowledged.”

Leon aims his gadget. A brilliant white light roars open on Chrissy’s wall. “Go!”

Chrissy can hear unearthly screams echoing from the other side. He sees Chris jump into the portal and disappear. Gunshots. More screams. The portal shuts down. The room is engulfed in darkness.

“Well, sounds like the gun works.” Leon turns to Chrissy and cradles him. “Deep breaths. Stay with me. Deep breaths.”

Chrissy grasps Leon’s fingers. He inhales. His breaths are shallow at first, but then he feels his organs and muscles and bones rearrange themselves inside him. “I… I think it’s working.” It’s painful, but it’s a different kind of pain.

Leon lays Chrissy down on the mattress. “It’s time. I need to go.”

“No. Please…”

He bends down and kisses Chrissy’s lips. “Live. That’s all I ask. And that’s all you need to do. Your world, no matter how fucked up you think it is, is safer than Chris’s, than mine. Live.”

“No…”

Another bright portal opens on Chrissy’s wall.

“Goodbye, Christopher.” Leon grabs his jacket.

Chrissy tries so hard to focus on Leon’s face, wanting to imprint it in his mind, but the light soon swallows Leon.

The room is dark and filled with the muted pitter-patter sound of rain again. He breathes deeply, but his chest feels tight. He sits up. He looks at his hands and body. He curls and spreads his fingers and toes. He’s whole again. In color again. Was everything just a dream?

He chuckles, but his relief is cut short. He’s taken aback, embarrassed by the sound of his small laugh. It feels unearned. Too triumphant, and over what? Over barely existing? Why does he deserve to survive? And why is he too much of a coward to end it all?

But there are echoes in his head. Familiar, comforting, relentless.

“Stronger. More resourceful. Live.”

He wants to wail, but nothing comes out of his throat. He feels like he just woke up from a bad hangover and runs to the bathroom to hurl.