The Day Chrissy Loses Everything, Part 1: Wade

WARNING: This fictional work involves doll fantasy reenactments. It uses crude language and contains references to real-world events, including antisemitism and the ongoing war in the Middle East. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

For the umpteenth time, Wade sniffs his tank top, making sure he doesn’t smell of manure. He’s standing just a few steps from Takeshi’s Lick It ice cream parlor. This is his first outing in the city in months. His Life Sanctuary Ranch has been keeping him busy, and they’re slowly but surely making money from both donations and outreach programs.

Still, there’s another reason he’s apprehensive about socializing these days.

Wade exhales. He tries to regulate his breathing. Even so, his heart feels like it wants to leap out of his ribcage. He tucks his Magen David pendant under his tank top.

He closes his eyes and breathes slowly. Chrissy enters his mind. There’s so much he wants to tell Chrissy in person. So much he wants to say. And all of a sudden, his anxiety spikes again.

Being with his rescued animals has been easier than dealing with people. Even going online was setting him off so much that his therapist told him to take a break. Derek, the ranch’s veterinarian, has been the one posting updates and keeping an eye on the ranch’s social accounts.

Wade blinks. Dealing with animals has indeed been easier. He wishes Thor, his Rottweiler, were here, though he doesn’t want to tie his pooch out front in the heat whilst he schmoozes inside. Still, it’d be nice to see his friends again. And Chrissy. Thor would’ve been ecstatic to see Chrissy again.

He braces himself and pulls the door open.

The cool air inside is a nice change from the North Hollywood heat outside. The store is crowded, but not too crowded. He’s happy for Takeshi. Ice cream socials are always good for Lick It.

He spots Takeshi’s dad, Hiro, with Sven, Hiro’s boyfriend, arm in arm. Hiro looks relaxed, different from his usually stiff and formal demeanor. Hiro and Sven look good together, despite, or maybe because of, the age difference. Sven waves at Wade, flashing his pearly whites.

“Wade, wow!” Sven hugs Wade. “Where have you been? Haven’t seen you since forever!”

“Hey, Sven, Hiro-san,” Wade says. “I know, too long. You look good, though. Have you seen Chrissy?”

Sven shakes his head. “Nah. But he said he’d come. When did you last see him?”

“In person? Gosh, I dunno. Almost a year?”

“I’m also waiting for him. I’ve got a gig that he may find interesting,” Hiro says.

“I’ll text him and see where he is.” Sven takes out his phone.

“No, that’s okay. I need to say hi to Takeshi anyway. I can wait. See you around, yeah? I’ll try to go to the gym next weekend.”

“Oh, awesome! See you at the gym, then.”

As Wade turns to walk to the bulletin board, he bumps into a guy. “Oh, shit, sorry about that.”

“Uh, don’t sweat it,” the guy says.

“Hey, cool bag!” Wade points at the guy’s sling bag. “That’s Star Lord’s from Guardians of the Galaxy! I’m such a huge fan! I dressed up as him a few Halloweens ago. You a Marvel fan too? I thought I was doing a Marvel overkill with this Tony Star helmet and Captain America shoes!”

When the guy with the hat doesn’t say anything, Wade bites his tongue. He’s talked too much.

“Oh,” the guy seems to be flustered but Wade can’t make out his expression because half his face is hidden behind a mask. “Yeah, he’s cool, but uh, I got this from my ex. She’s a big nerd.”

“Nerds are cool.” His mind wanders to Chrissy, who’ll geek out at the drop of a star tiara when someone starts talking about Wonder Woman. Just like Wade does with Marvel. He can’t wait to see Chrissy again soon.

“Yeah, I suppose. Oh, excuse me, my phone.” The guy walks away to answer his phone.

Great, Wade thinks. His first time socializing in practically a year and already he’s being awkward. He shakes his head and tries not to think too much of it.

Wade looks at the poster Chrissy’s designed for his Life Sanctuary Ranch. He smiles. Not many leads have come from his poster at Takeshi’s ice cream store, but the leads that did come were good ones. He has Chrissy to thank. Chrissy definitely deserves an ice cream cone, or two. Although Wade would rather have Chrissy lick his dick.

He shakes his head, trying to get the naughty thoughts away. He can’t have a boner in public.

Not wanting to obscure the bulletin board with his big frame, Wade walks to a different corner. Should he text Chrissy? He doesn’t want to look pushy, especially if Sven texted Chrissy. Did Sven text Chrissy? Wade decides to wait so he and Chrissy can have ice cream together.

From where he stands, he can see Akito helping customers. Why is Akito behind the counter alone when it’s ice cream social? Where’s Takeshi? He wants to say hi to Akito, but the young man’s too busy. He’ll just say hi when Chrissy’s here.

As Wade stands in the corner of the room, he breathes in deeply. The sweet scent of ice cream fills his nostrils. It’s kind of nice not to have to smell or shovel off manure or clean the barn, even if it’s a good workout. He takes out his phone from his pocket, still weighing in whether or not he should text Chrissy.

Just then, he sees Chrissy walk in. It’s almost cinematic. Chrissy turns heads. It’s not just the pink hair or the sexy clothes. It’s the whole package. Wade feels sweat build on his palms.

Chrissy greets his girlfriends. They’re so loud and giggly and pink. They take pictures with him, complimenting each other’s outfits. That’s a cute little one-piece Chrissy wears. And it’s unbuttoned all the way down to his waist, showing off just a hint of his toned chest and abs. Wade swallows hard when he thinks about peeling the tight pink romper off of Chrissy’s body. It’s been too long.

Wade frets. On one hand, he wants Chrissy to hurry it up with the chit-chats so they can finally be alone. On the other hand, he’s glad Chrissy takes his time. Does Chrissy miss him?

His mouth feels dry. Oh, no. What if it makes his breath smell bad? Wait. Does he have bad breath? He breathes into his palm and checks it. No, it’s all good. Still minty from the gum he chewed earlier.

A few moments later, he sees Chrissy chatting with Sven and Hiro. Then it happens. He locks eyes with Chrissy. Chrissy smiles widely. So wide. Wade can feel himself relax a bit. He wants to rush over and kiss Chrissy. His dick stirs. Matt’s a really lucky guy.

But Hiro still has his arm around Chrissy’s waist. Wade knows Hiro and Chrissy used to fuck when Chrissy was still working at Hiro’s Femboy Hooters restaurant ages ago. Then Takeshi, Hiro’s son, came into the picture, and for a while, Takeshi and Chrissy dated before Takeshi had to leave for Columbia.

Then Wade came along, but one fine day (depending on who’s telling the story), mere months later, Chrissy met Matt.

Wade’s anxiety flares up again. He has so much to say to Chrissy. The things he’s been wanting to tell Chrissy these past seven years start to bubble up.

He shakes his head. Let’s not spoil the moment.

And finally, Chrissy’s free. The crowd parts like the Red Sea. Wade clears his throat, savoring the view of Chrissy skipping toward him, feeling a mix of pride and jealousy when he catches other men check Chrissy out.

“Hey, stud,” Chrissy grins. “Come here often?”

Wade laughs. “I should be the one trying to pick you up.”

Chrissy kisses Wade’s cheek. “It’s 2025. Bottoms can make the first move. And sorry to keep you waiting. I had to talk shop a bit with the girls and Hiro-san. Networking stuff.”

“No, I get it.” Wade squeezes Chrissy’s hand. “But speaking of bottoms making the first move, why don’t you swing by my ranch anymore? You know Thor misses you. The horses miss you.”

“And you?”

Wade smiles weakly. “I always miss you.”

Chrissy’s smile fades. “I’m sorry. I should’ve visited.”

“Oh, hey, now. I didn’t mean to make you sad.” Wade says. “Come here, baby.”

It feels nice being in Wade’s arms. Wade’s build and size are very similar to Matt’s, even their personalities are similar. But Wade could be more outgoing at times, and he doesn’t shy away from making off-color or scatological jokes, which makes Chrissy laugh the loudest.

“Wish I could kiss you right here and now,” Wade says. “But I don’t think I want people to gossip.”

Under different circumstances, Chrissy would probably initiate the kiss, but he remembers what Matt said about Chrissy going around acting like a whore. True, Matt’s outburst was caused by drinking espresso on top of a caffeine-based supplement on an empty stomach, but still.

So, Chrissy just buries his head on Wade’s muscular pecs, not that it would dissuade anyone from giving them looks. “You smell nice.”

Wade exhales, relieved to know he doesn’t smell like horse poop. “How’s Matt?” He plants a kiss on Chrissy’s head.

“He’s… good. Busy.”

“He’s not coming today?”

Chrissy shakes his head.

“Aw, I’m sorry, baby. But at least I get to have you all to myself, even if just for a few hours.”

Chrissy looks up at Wade. His smile blooms again.

“Now, how about I treat my birthday queen to some ice cream?” Wade pinches Chrissy’s butt through his romper and laughs when Chrissy squeals.

Chrissy looks at the counter, but Akito’s still pretty busy taking orders. “Why’s Akito alone? Where’s Takeshi?”

Wade shakes his head. “Haven’t seen him since I came in. Maybe he’s in the back?”

As Chrissy scans the room, he catches a glimpse of someone sticking something on Wade’s Life Sanctuary Ranch poster.

“Hang on.” Chrissy extracts himself from Wade and hurries toward the bulletin board where the posters hang.

“Huh? Babe? What is it? What’s wrong?” Wade says, confused by Chrissy’s sudden change of mood.

Chrissy freezes when he sees what’s been slapped onto Wade’s Life Sanctuary Ranch poster. His blood boils.

He rips the poster down and charges after the guy in the hat, who’s already almost at the door. He runs up to the guy and steps in front of him, blocking the exit.

“You did this?” Chrissy holds the defaced poster up, forcing the stranger to look at it.

The guy raises his phone, already recording.

“You stuck this on my friend’s poster?” Chrissy’s voice is so loud that the room falls silent.

“So what if I did?” The guy stands his ground.

The stranger’s response strikes Chrissy like a lightning bolt.

Around them, time and people seem to freeze, enveloped in the shockwave. Those who aren’t too stunned quickly grab their phones to record the confrontation. But no camera, except for the stranger’s, picks up Chrissy’s eye twitch.

“You think this makes you brave? You’re just a coward with a sticker sheet. This ranch is a lifeline for abused animals. He employs hard-working immigrants. But sure, slap your hate on it because he’s Jewish.”

“He supports genocide.”

“There is no genocide, you stupid fuck! Israel calls, texts, drops leaflets before a strike. Even in the middle of the war, vaccines are still reaching Gazan kids. Israel distributes tons of aid in Gaza, all the while the UN refuses to help, all the while Hamas shoots from schools and hospitals!”

The guy laughs. “’Hamas, Hamas.’ That’s all you people got. And sounds like you also defend killing babies and journalists. Got it.”

Chrissy steps closer. He’s trembling now. “I’m defending my friend. An American. A Marine who served so you can have freedom, including to do this petty terrorist bullshit right now. You don’t have to agree with him. But you don’t get to smear him on a fuckin’ ice cream shop bulletin board.”

“Keep yelling, Karen. It’s all on tape.”

“People like you prove exactly why Israel exists. You make the case for Zionism. But you’re just too smug and stupid to see it.”

“You love suckin’ Jew dicks that much, don’t you, you dumb b…”

His brain no longer able to control his emotions, Chrissy’s instincts take over. He lunges toward the masked guy.

But Wade catches him, his arm wrap tightly around Chrissy, dragging him away from the stranger. “Come on, champ.”

Chrissy can see the stranger smile even under his mask. He wants to claw the guy’s eyes out. He knows people are watching him have a meltdown, most have their phones out. He doesn’t care.

He’s still seething in Wade’s arms when he finally realizes they’re in the parking lot away from Lick It.

“Hey. Ease down. Ease down.” Wade rubs Chrissy’s back and gently pries out the poster from Chrissy’s fist. “That’s it. Come back to me. Come back to me.”

Chrissy can feel his whole body tremble. His legs are so weak that Wade’s practically holding him up as they stand next to Wade’s motorcycle.. “Oh, Wade, I’m… I’m sorry… I just…”

Wade holds Chrissy tightly. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Chrissy says. “He got away. We don’t even know who he is. We should ask Takeshi for a copy of the video surveillance inside the store.”

“Babe.” Wade smiles as he looks into Chrissy’s eyes. “I… I didn’t want to go into the city because I was worried this might happen. I even hid my Magen David under my shirt before going into Lick It. And of course it happened the only time I’m here. You were there for me, only I didn’t step in sooner. I just froze like a goddamn coward.”

“None of this is your fault.” Chrissy holds Wade tightly. “None of it.” Chrissy can feel Wade’s hand gently massaging his back, helping him calm down and manage his adrenaline.

Wade takes a deep breath. “I’m just… Glad you’re in one piece. You scared the hell out of me. I’ve never seen you like that before and let’s just say I really should think twice before making you angry.”

Chrissy chuckles and shakes his head. “I don’t think you can ever make me angry.”

Wade kisses Chrissy. “I love you, you know that? So much.”

“Wade, I…”

Wade sighs again. “I know. I know Matt’s always gonna be at the top of your list. And maybe just watching you happy, that should be enough for me. But after today… I…”

Chrissy has never seen Wade this nervous. Is it the PTSD creeping up? Is it the adrenaline from the scuffle earlier? He gently squeezes Wade’s forearm. “Hey. What is it?”

“Christopher Edward Fields, will you… Will you marry me?”

Chrissy looks at Wade and snorts. Then he starts laughing. But he stops when he sees the look on Wade’s face. “You can’t be serious.”

“You’re right. It’s Saturday and the city hall isn’t open, so Monday? Elope with me?”

If Wade had asked this a few weeks ago, when he and Matt were fighting, would he have run away with Wade? Would he have left Matt? Would he have been happier with Wade? But it’s right now, and Matt and Chrissy are doing well, stronger even.

“Think about it,” Wade says as he gives tiny kisses on Chrissy’s face and neck. “You could help me feed the chickens and the ducks and the geese, shovel horse manure, cut the weeds, deal with the annoying kids who come down to the ranch for their excursion…”

Chrissy giggles. “You’re not really helping your case…”

Wade laughs and boops Chrissy’s nose. “Okay, then how about… We could raise barn cats? They could help with the mice? Plus, come on, remember the stallions? Steve and Bucky? You’ll have easy access to them. And there’s Thor, of course.”

“Tempting. So tempting. But I can’t.” Chrissy strokes Wade’s cheek. “You know I can’t. We can’t. I’m engaged.”

Wade shakes his head. “These past few months, I isolated myself, tried so hard not to see you, not think of you. But every time we texted, my feelings for you became stronger. But I guess I’m just chasing a fantasy. I’ve been chasing a fantasy for seven years.”

“Wade…”

“I adore you. With all my heart. Matt’s been honest that, even if you and I can have sex anytime we want, the three of us just won’t work. And you’ve been honest too: you prioritize him. That’s fair. I’ll support you in whatever makes you happy. But I also have to protect myself.”

“What… What are you saying?”

Wade takes out his phone and sighs. “I’m sorry, but I think for me to heal, I need to focus on myself first.”

Chrissy watches in disbelief as Wade taps on his phone and blocks Chrissy’s and Matt’s numbers. “Wade, no…”

“I love you.” Wade holds Chrissy tightly and kisses Chrissy’s lips. “I love you so much, Christopher. I wish I could love you more. I wish I could love you better. I wish I could love you unconditionally.”

“Wade, no, please…” Chrissy doesn’t want to let go of Wade, but Wade gently pushes him away.

“One more thing I’ll forever be grateful to you: when you stood up for me, I knew I no longer have to hide my identity. I’ll wear my Magen David in public proudly from now on.”

Chrissy stands still, hands trembling as Wade puts on his helmet. He stays silent as Wade straddles his motorcycle and starts the engine. His tears melt on his face as Wade rides out of the parking lot, leaving him all alone.

So many things run through Chrissy’s head. He shouldn’t have strung Wade along, but was it really his fault? Wade could’ve left anytime, even after Matt had said a throuple was out of the question. But would Chrissy enjoy being in a relationship with both Matt and Wade? Wouldn’t that feel like having a cake and eating it too? How could he be so selfish? Or maybe it was Wade who was truly selfish, especially after Chrissy yelled, screamed, and shouted at a stranger to defend him?

Head hung low and holding himself, he feels a chill despite the hot summer sun blazing through the parking lot. He crouches down to take Wade’s defaced poster from the ground.

“Chrissy?”

He looks up to see who called his name.